By Paddy Schmidt

As I went home on Monday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a horse outside the door where my old horse should be
Well I called me wife and I said to her will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that horse outside the door where my old horse should be
Ah you’re drunk you’re drunk ya silly old fool still you cannot see
That’s a lovely sow that me mother sent to me
Well it’s many a day I’ve travelled a hundred miles or more
But a saddle on a sow sure I never saw before

And as I went home on Tuesday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a coat behind the door where my old coat should be
Well I called me wife and I said to her will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that coat behind the door where my old coat should be
Ah you’re drunk you’re drunk you silly old fool still you cannot see
That’s a woolen blanket that me mother sent to me
Well it’s many a day I’ve travelled a hundred miles or more
But buttons on a blanket sure I never saw before

And as I went home on Wednesday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a pipe upon the chair Where my old pipe should be
Well I called me wife and I said to her will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that pipe upon the chair where my old pipe should be
Ah you’re drunk you’re drunk you silly old fool still you cannot see
That’s a lovely rosewood flute that me mother sent to me
Well it’s many a day I’ve travelled a hundred miles or more
But tobacco in a rosewood flute sure I never saw before

And as I went home on Thursday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw two boots beneath the bed where my old boots should be
Well I called me wife and I said to her will you kindly tell to me
Who owns the boots beneath the bed Where my old boots should be
Ah you’re drunk you’re drunk you silly old fool still you cannot see
They’re two lovely geranium pots me mother sent to me
Well it’s many a day I’ve travelled a hundred miles or more
But laces in geranium pots I never saw before

And as I went home on Friday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a head upon the bed where my old head should be
Well I called me wife and I said to her will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that head upon the bed Where me old head should be
Ah you’re drunk you’re drunk you silly old fool still you cannot see
That’s a baby boy that me mother sent to me
Well it’s many a day I’ve travelled a hundred miles or more
But a baby boy with whiskers on sure I never saw before

As I went home on Saturday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw two hands upon her breasts where me two hands should be
Well I called my wife and I said to her will you kindly tell to me
Who owns those hands upon your breasts were my two hands should be
Ah you’re drunk you’re drunk you silly old fool still you cannot see
That’s a lovely night gown that me mother sent to me
Well it’s many a day I travelled a hundred miles and more
But fingers in a night gown sure I never saw before

As I went home on Sunday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a thing in her thing where me old thing should be
Well I called my wife and I said to her will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that thing in your thing where me old thing should be
Ah you’re drunk you’re drunk you silly old fool still you cannot see
That’s that lovely tin whistle that me mother sent to me
Well it’s many a day I travelled a hundred miles and more
But hair on a tin whistle sure I never saw before