The Moose Song

By Thomas Payton et. al, to the tune of Betsy From Pike

When I was a young man I used to like girls,
I fondled their bodies and played with their curls,
‘Til my girlfriend ran off with a salesman named Bruce,
You’d never get treatment like that from a Moose!

And it’s Moose, Moose, I like a Moose!
I’ve never had anything quite like a Moose,
I’ve had many lovers, my life has been loose,
But I’ve never had anything quite like a Moose!

Now when I’m in need of a very good lay,
I go to me stables and gets me some hay,
I opens me window and spreads it around,
‘Cause Moose always comes when there’s hay on the ground!

And it’s Moose, Moose . . .

Now I’ve made it with all kinds of beasties with hair,
I’d make it with snakes if their fangs were not there,
I’ve made it with walrus, two ducks and a goose,
But I’ve never had anything quite like a Moose!

And it’s Moose, Moose . . .

Now gorillas are fine for a Saturday night,
And lions and tigers, they puts up a fight,
But it just ain’t the same when you slams their caboose
As the feeling you gets when you humps with a Moose!

And it’s Moose, Moose . . .

I’ve tried many beasties on land or on sea
I’ve even tried hump-backs that humped back on me!
Sharks are quite good, tho they’re hard to pull loose
But on dry land there is nothing quite like a moose!

And it’s Moose, Moose . . .

Woodchucks are all right except that they bite
And foxes and rabbits won’t last thru the night!
Cows would be fun, but they’re hard to seduce
But you never need worry should you find a moose!

And it’s Moose, Moose . . .

Step in my study, and trophies you’ll find
A black striped tiger and scruffy maned lion
You’ll know the elephant by his ivory tooth
And the one that’s a-winking, you know is the moose!

And it’s Moose, Moose . . .

The lion succumbed to a thirty-ought-six
Machine guns and tigers I’ve proved do not mix
The elephant fell by a bomb with a fuse
But I won’t tell a soul how I did in the moose!

And it’s Moose, Moose . . .

I’ve found many women attracted to me
A few of them have had me over for tea
Some say that they love me when they’re feeling loose
But I’d trade the world’s women for one lovely moose!

And it’s Moose, Moose . . .

The good Lord made Adam, and then He made Eve
Said He: “If you sin now, I’ll ask you to leave!”
They left not because of Eve’s forbidden fruit
But ’cause Adam decided the moose there were cute!

And it’s Moose, Moose . . .

The English are said to like boars who’ve had corn
The Celtics just dream of the young Unicorn
The Germans, it’s said, just need leather and rope
But give me a moose and I’ll no longer mope!

And it’s Moose, Moose . . .

Now I’ve broken the laws in this god-awful state
They’ve put me in prison and locked up the gate
They say that tomorrow I’ll swing from a noose
But my last night I’ll spend with a good sexy moose!

And it’s Moose, Moose . . .

Next morning the Governor’s word reached my ears
“We’ve commuted your sentence to ninety-nine years!”
“You won’t get parole; not a five minute’s truce,
And your friend goes to Sing-Sing, he’s so big-a-moose!”

And it’s Moose, Moose . . .

(slowly) Now that I’m old and advanced in me years,
I’ll look back on me life, and I’ll shed me no tears,
As I sit in me chair with me glass of Mateuse,
And play hide the salami with Marvin (Millie) the Moose!

And it’s Moose, Moose . . .