The Chandler’s Wife

A man (I) walked into the chandler’s shop some candles for to buy,
He (I) looked around the chandler’s shop but no one did he (I) spy.
So he turned upon his heels and to the door he sped
[alt 3rd line: I was disappointed and some angry words I said, ]
When he (I) heard the sound of a KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK up above my head.
When he (I) heard the sound of a KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK up above my head.

Well this young man was a bold young manĀ  so up the stairs he sped,
[alt 1st line: I was slick and I was quick, and up the stairs I sped, ]
And very surprised was he (I) to find the chandler’s wife in bed;
And with her was a fine young man of most incredible size,
And they were having a KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK right before his (my) eyes.
And they were having a KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK right before his (my) eyes.

When the fun was over and done and the lady raised her head,
She was quite surprised to find him (me) standing by the bed
“If you would keep my secret sir, if you would be so kind,
You may drop in for a KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK whenever you feel inclined.”
“You may drop in for a KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK whenever you feel inclined.”

So, many a day and many a night when the chandler wasn’t home,
Down to the chandler shop, for candles he (I) would roam.
But nary a one she gave to him (me), but gave to him (me) instead,
Just a little bit more of the KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK to light his (my) way to bed.
Just a little bit more of the KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK to light his (my) way to bed.

So, all you married men take heed, whenever you go to town,
If you must leave your woman alone, be sure to tie her down.
Or, if you would be kind to her, just lay her right down on the floor,
And give her so much of that KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK she doesn’t want any more.
And give her so much of that KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK she doesn’t want any more.